8 September 2010, 2:53 pm
If it wasn't for my children that give me so much joy in my life then I would have ended my life a long time ago. I am too depressed and I'm tired of feeling hurt. I am a 29 year old black woman and I'm six months pregnant with my 9th child. Five girls and four boys(including the one I'm carrying). I dropped out of junior high school when I had my oldest child at 15 years old. I do my best to cook, clean and take care of the kids while my husband goes to work. I'm ashamed to admit that my husband is only the father of my two youngest kids(my 1 year old daughter and the boy that I'm currently pregnant with). My seven other kids all have different fathers who do NOTHING for them whatsoever. When I married my husband, I thought he was my hero and he wasn't going to criticize me. But now it's different because he verbally abuses me and calls me fat and stupid and I'm nothing without him. I try my best to please him because he is doing me a favor by taking care of all of my children not just the ones he fathered with his own sperm. I do everything and anything I possibly could to show him my appreciation. But all he does is call me names, spits in my face, degrades me in my public and he is certainly cheating on me too. He is all I got. I have been raised in foster care and I have no idea where my blood relatives are. All I know is that they are somewhere in Baltimore, Maryland but I live in Newark, New Jersey. I have to make this work with my husband. I have no job, no education. Even though the truth hurts when he tells me this, I have to own and accept that I am dumb, fat and ugly. My life has been nothing but pain since I was 3 when child services took me away from my mother when they found drugs in her apartment. Now, that I'm a wife and a mother of soon-to-be nine children. What extra mile should I go to please my husband, so we can make this work? I need him and I love him so much. Don't say leave him because that is easier said than done. Advice?... Read More »